Is not a mystery to every man that what a woman says and what she means are completely different things. While to a woman what she says and she means is as clear as box of M&Ms.

So let’s start with basics; she says, I left my phone in the counter and is not there anymore.

What you are thinking is, she left the phone somewhere else and she thinks she left it on the counter.

what she means is, why you took my phone and put it somewhere where I can’t find it. For your peace of mind you better find her phone.

And that is what you hear before work, fortunately, you don’t have to deal with those issues for hours unless she works with you and that can be a real mess. Imagine if your wife is your boss, you might as well turn in your resignation, each time she asks for a report you are going to have to guess if she is asking for the payroll or a recipe for dinner.

Is not uncommon for a man to say honey I’m going out with my friends to celebrate some new accomplishment like winning a beer-drinking contest, of course she is not going to say, no, she would say; just don’t be late, I know how you are around your friends. 

Do you think what she meant was, have a good time and be home by midnight? Not…siri, what she really meant to say is; Do you really have to go out with your friends today? You promise you were going to fix the leak on the sink and instead you are going to get plastered with your friends while I stay home by myself, you better call your friends and tell them you can’t go out.

I have been trying to figure out my girlfriends and now my wife for years but I have not succeeded, there are days when my wife puts-on a blouse while holding another one in her hand and then she ask me if she looks OK or if it’s better to put the other blouse on, if I say I like the one she has on she changes to the other one, why did she asked in the first place? Maybe she was talking to herself and I just happened to be there.

I’m fine……

How many times have you heard that? When a woman says I’m fine she means I’m pissed, and you better wait in the kitchen and do the dishes while she thinks when she is going to tell you why she is not fine.

Nothing is wrong. 

Boy, you better hide, the only thing that is not wrong is you thinking that everything is fine. Better start washing dishes.

There are times when what a woman says is what she means. For example when she says I just want to be friends.

That is when a guy gets really confused, we know that what a woman says is never what she means so when she says I just want to be friends must mean, kiss me now before I change my mind and when you do that and get slapped in the face, you get more confused.

Why did she go out on a date with me in the first place? 

What a woman says and what she means can only be understand by  other woman. I heard the other day a friend say to another, “I told my husband the other day that I was going to be a little late from work and when I got home he was talking on the phone, I was so mad.” The other woman responded, “I know what you mean, I told my husband the other day to turn the oven by 5 pm and when I got home there was nothing in the oven” I interrupted both woman and asked them what exactly did the husbands did wrong, in the first place one told the husband she was coming home late and on the other she told the husband just to turn the oven on, What did they do wrong?

Without hesitation, both women in simultaneous choir responded

They forgot dinner!