Dear sir, we have review your application for the position of In House Child Retention Specialist and would like to schedule an interview Monday at 9 am. The interview will be conducted by the Zoom application, you will receive by email the day before the interview the meeting ID and password. Please submit a recent photograph with a child not older than 5 learning by the computer, on the subject line please write INTERVIEW, MOM WANTS OUT OF THE HOUSE.
I woke up at 7 this morning but I didn’t get out of bed until 9, just before this pandemic I would have been on my way to work, but now I don’t even have to drive to the unemployment office.
I’m one of the lucky ones, I was unemployed, hired at the start of the pandemics, and laid off six months later, what it means? back on vacation for another six months. not that I want to be on vacation but that is what it takes to get another job, but im ready, interviews are on Zoom now, I only have to dress up from the waste up, have my cheat cheat on ther desk where the interviewer can’t see and give it my best.
I read the news this morning and they say unemployment is down to 8 percent, of course, it’s COVID! started 6 months ago which means most people already ran out of unemployment benefits and since they can’t collect anymore the rate goes down.
Honey, I have an interview next Monday, can you get my shirt ready? The interview is at 9 so I’m going to have to take a shower, I need to get in the bathroom before you that morning.
No problem baby, you don’t even know at what time I even get up or even leave the house I hope you can get up before 10 for that interview.
Those are the exchange words with my wife days before the interview, I’m just happy I have an interview, I understand 1500 people applied for the job, and it’s understandable, you don’t want your kids in the house anymore so you rather go and look after other kids somewhere else. Here is an excerpt of the position.
Takem ykids Inc.
Looking for House Child Retention Specialist, we currently have several openings for male and female positions, sign up bonus and long term contract available.
You will be responsible for the day-to-day child development including bathroom breaks, meal preparation, games participation, play stimulation, for the kids as well, and naps requests and denials.
Complete knowledge of windows and doors, specially doggy doors which can lead to child not clocking out during extended breaks.
In order to prepare me for this interview, I have gathered several cheat cheat yellow Post-it that I’m hanging around the computer screen where my interviewer doesn’t see them. I also placed my computer desk in the middle of the room and paid my Summa Cum Laude big brother to stand behind the computer next to a chalkboard to write keywords based on the interview questions. I also promised my 4 year old some candy after the interview if he interrupts me during the interview by sitting on my lap and saying the words, “daddy I finished my homework, can I go and play?”
On this difficult times of unemployment and people looking for work it is important that you prepare yourself correctly for every interview that comes your way especially if they are online, so doing your homework is going to get you a lot farther ahead than anybody else who just simply shows up at the interview with the camera facing downward while wearing pajamas or wearing nothing at all. Do your homework get you post-it ready. get your Summa Cum Laude brother Ready get your kids line up to show up on Q and prey the interviewer doesn’t get disconnected.
