Stay-at-home order has forced many people to change the way they travel and how to dress. So here are some observations and recommendations to make your travels trouble-free.

Planning a trip on these uncertain times requires a lot of thinking, research and good tools to make sure your trip doesn’t come to a sudden halt if you happened to run into your wife more than a dozen times in the morning.

I recommend your plan your trip starting on Monday as it’s considered the first day of the workweek or in this case the day all the politicians come back alive. Not knowing exactly if your wife will be traveling with you or nor, preferably not, you need to get up early, like sunrise, to make the most of the day.

If you are planning to be underway by 7 am, remember that with the distancing of 6 feet between people there will be no need to go too far, the lines will come to you.

Monday morning is show day, take a nice shower, you need to wear your three-piece suit and a tie, make sure you are not wearing an outdated tie like 6 inches wide and white socks. It is important to be presentable for any unplanned office or school meeting. If you haven’t download the Zoom application to your phone yet, this is the time to do so, you will be expected to be a pro at it when you receive a link from your boss asking you to get connected. If you expect payment while you are connected, don’t, Uncle Sam already promised you a check.

Should you connect through your phone or the computer? Try the computer on Monday and the phone on Friday, you will see what I mean later.

You should expect to be at that conference for 30 minutes then you can continue on your travels for the day. Get rid of your 3 piece suit and put your pajama shirt back on.

It’s time to pack for the week, so here is a list of items you are going to need as you get going.

• Seven pajamas, one for each day
• One dress shirt, suit, and tie for the daily video-conference call with the office, no need to wear pants, just your pajama shirt, no one will see them
• A pair of slippers to travel from the bedroom to the kitchen
• Your grooming kid, toothbrush and paste and a hairbrush, there is no need for deodorant or perfume, you are no going to meet anyone.

Tuesday is the day of accomplishments, you need to take a short shower and travel to the garage to get some tools to fix the water leak in the kitchen. With spring weather in the air, it’s probably a beautiful day outside, you should stroll across the house and sightsee the botanical garden in your backyard, the leak can wait until later since it’s only noon.

Wednesday or hump day, no need to dress for the day, your boss is probably not getting up before noon. This is a good day to travel to the second floor, don’t forget your camera and take your time going up the stairs, the landscape is magnificent, you should enjoy the wall that lines up the stairway on the right and the view of the living room on your left.

On the second floor, you should get an excellent panoramic of your neighbors, you should spend an hour in one of the front bedrooms, if you are an aficionado of bird watching, you will be thrill to know that people-watching is just as exciting, sit on a comfortable chair and look at the window, the street below you from the house in the corner to your friends across the street will be totally empty, you will not see a soul for hours, just like bird watching, very exciting.

If you’re still awake after an hour, you should try one of the back bedrooms, the quickest way to get there is the Slipper-pass, they are a good buy and give you access to all the sights in the house including the Pots and Pans gallery, the Garage Museum, The Closet Institute, The Porch National Park, The Toys Memorial, and especially an entrance to the Bed Simulator. Transfers with the Slipper-pass are also free which you can utilize to go outside the house and visit the Hall of Junk Mail.

Thursday is a lazy day, your boss probably forgot to do a daily call, by now he is not getting up before noon, no need to take a shower or comb your hair if you feel adventurous travel to the bathroom, its the number 2 destination in the world after a trip to the supermarché aisle of TP, just make sure you have purchased your TP tickets in advance they sell very fast.

Since the day is almost gone you may want to pretend you are going to fix the leak in the Death kitchen Valley, but I know time is limited and you still have not seen the Attic Tower and the Laundry Cathedral, you may want to start with the Cathedral first as it will take the rest of the day.

To get the most out of your trip to the Laundry Cathedral make sure you gather all the suitcases from the family, you will have to go thru customs, with all the restrictions today you will need to take all the clothes and pass them thru and X-ray machine, the WasherX and before you leave you will need to pass thru the DryerX.

Your next destination should be the Attic Tower, from the Laundry Cathedral to the Attic Tower is going to take you some time as you will need to get to the living Palace first then transfer to the Metrostair and from there you will have to climb the rest of the way, keep in mind that the altitude may affect you so wear your mask, you will be climbing almost 6 feet.

I understand you must cross Death Kitchen Valley several times a day but you must be careful not to get sick from pizza heat exhaustion or the candy virus, I had the misfortune to catch some bug for spending too much time there and this is the result.

Today is probably a good day to try your pants just to make sure they still fit.

Friday, last day of the week, a perfect day to travel barefoot in your pajamas, no need to take a shower, by now your wife is probably spending must of the time in the Attic Tower so you can lounge on the sofa to watch your favorite Netflix show, Tiger King meets Pablo Escobar.

If you need to connect with your office, use the phone not the computer, you only want them to see your face, partially

Your travels don’t need to end on Friday, but exercise should be part of your routine, the Bed Simulator can give you a true cardio workout which is hard to beat, but doesn’t replace a good marathon run. Head to the Botanical Garden in your backyard, milestone marks can be placed between the gardenias and the Tulips. After your two minute marathon, you can spend the rest of the day traveling away from your wife and kids, no point in showering or shaving today, pajama bottoms are ok, tops are optional, no one will do a video-conference on a Friday morning.

Since your wife has been Home-school by your kids in the Attic, no reason for you to go back there anymore, you may want to visit the Dining Hall, you will see some masterpieces like the Water Leak by Claude Bonet, The Weeping Wife by Paolo Picasson, The Goliath of Michael Angelo, The Starry Day by Vincent Van and Go and the unforgettable Two Sister and a Brother (On the terrace) by Pedro-Augusto Renoir.

If you happened to run into your kids during your travels you may want to take the time to visit the Boys N Toys wing, it will bring you back to your childhood with games like Super Mario, Space Invaders, Pokémon, Pac-Man and the Wizard pinball machine.

You may have the inclination to complete your travels by Friday but you won’t be able to do it, your wife will not be in home-schooling so you will have to travel with the whole family over the weekend, it means babysitting and home cooking. Let your culinary abilities shine, try boil eggs on chocolate sauce, burnt toast and Red Bull for breakfast. For lunch you may try undercooked spaghetti with a touch of melted chewing gum, sprinkle gummy bears and sautee on chocolate cake, Monster drink will be better than a glass of wine for your kids, they will love their meals and it will keep your wife occupy the rest of the weekend while you sleep. They call this diet the ADHD, I believe it means Add Donuts Hard candy and Do it four times a day.