Tag Archives: Driving like a woman

Do you drive like a man?

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Just because we always complain about women drivers it doesn’t mean men are any better drivers.

I believe the size of a man’s automobile is proportional to the size of their ego, I know this may be controversial as I know a lot of people with big trucks but small egos, however, I live in Texas and everyone drives a truck so the question is whether the size of your truck is as big as your ego.

Have you seen and heard those cars with a muffler so loud you can’t hear yourself think? It’s usually a 1995 Toyota Corolla moving at 20 MPH with the windows open because the AC doesn’t work. Can you explain that to me? The driver thinks he is so cool he is going to pick up any female that looks his way, the fact is he is only going to pick up some dirt from the stuff blowing from his muffler and while he moves between lanes he is the one holding up the traffic.

And what about road rage? It’s very popular these days. It’s very simple, a man with a little 1979 Nissan drives as fast as his pick-up truck lets him, usually around 60 mph in a 55mph road, the guy behind him driving an F-450 is looking over the cabin of the Nissan and trying to go over the little guy at 63 mph, so the little guy gets mad because the 450 behind him is almost on top of his camper, so he slams on the brakes and the big guy who is drinking his Starbucks Moka now is wearing the concoction on his shirt and he gets mad, he drives on top of the Nissan gets in front of him and slams his brakes, this is where road rage begins, now the little guy gets on the right side, gets align with the macho man, flips him off and shows him a machete, while the big guy pulls a 38 and shoots the little guy. So the moral of the story is: If you are going to drive like a man in a little truck don’t show your machete unless you can back it off with a Magnum 57.

And men believe because they drive a truck they have the right of way. They usually weave between the lanes without using turn signals trying to get ahead and five minutes later you catch them up in your Toyota Corolla. As you look the truck over waiting for the light, the macho man behind the wheel flips a cigarette outside the window and peels off as if he is driving a Ferrari just to find himself next to a Ferrari at the next light.

It’s a jungle out there they say, men with big cars and big egos and women with small cars and bad habits.

Guys are so obsessed with their cars they put speakers that fill the whole trunk, when they go to the airport they have to call an uber because they don’t have room where to put their luggage, and when they turn their radio on it’s so loud you hear them coming blocks away, I don’t believe they can actually hear any music inside their car but they believe they are very cool.

And then there is the add-on spoiler, it looks ridiculous. Do you actually believe that adding a spoiler to your car will make it run faster? Just because you press the accelerator to the floor doesn’t mean the car is going to hit 60 mph in 3.5 seconds but in your mind, your Nisan Sentra is now a Porsche Carrera.

If you are going to complain about women drivers, drop your ego two notches, get a station wagon and see if you still feel like the king of the road.

Do You Drive Like A Woman?

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I always hear women are bad drivers, I never heard a woman say, I’m a bad driver, but often I hear men say I’m a great driver.

If I’m driving somewhere with my wife I always drive and while I’m driving I noticed my wife is sitting in the passenger seat moving items from one purse to the other or chasing a fallen lipstick under the seat, But what really gets me is that when I lower the sunshade on the driver side the mirror is open, so I ask myself, did she use the mirror before she pulled out of the driveway or while on the road. If you use the mirror before you leave to check the wrinkles on your face why don’t you close the mirror flap? Why do cars have driver seat mirrors? If I need to look at my face I use the regular mirror.

There are a lot of Mario Andrettis out there, for some of you who drive like a woman, Andretti was a great race car driver in the past, you know those drivers because they have a 4 cylinder 1985 Toyota corolla with some kind of muffler noiser and you hear them coming a block away as if they are going a hundred miles per hour and when they get to you they are barely moving at the speed of a tricycle. If you look at them, don’t expect a look back, their eyes are focused on the traffic light as they expect to peel off the intersection fast enough for everyone a block away to hear the noisy muffler, of course, you will catch them up on the next light as you are probably driving as fast as they are.

I really hate when you are on a three-lane highway with a 60 mile per hour speed limit and the three cars in front of you are using all the lanes and they all are driving exactly at 60 mph, two minutes later there are 100 cars behind trying to pass, if you are one of those, you are driving like a woman, speed UP TO 65 and get out of the way.

I’m not saying women are bad drivers, is just that they finish dressing-up while on the road and that is why they are slow, like down to 55 on a 55 mph road.

There is a lot of road rage going on these days, just yesterday one of those Andrettis zoom by me at 5 miles per hour and when I cut him off he got really mad and flip-me off. I really didn’t have a choice, I fell off my bicycle in front of him while he was pushing his Toyota Corolla.  I picked up my bicycle and without looking I moved away, I was afraid he was going to pull a machete or worst, flip me off again.

Women are not bad drivers, they are just slow drivers, reason we called them bad drivers, just because they drive 30 miles per hour under the speed limit doesn’t make them bad it just makes the men desperate because they can’t pass.